Othering: the ways offbeat types push ourselves away
Over the years, I’ve seen something come up time and time again from Offbeat Bride readers: people will send an email, post on the Tribe, or leave a comment that basically amounts to, “Do I REALLY count as an Offbeat Bride? Do I really belong here?” I think of it as the Offbeat Bride’s version of othering: this way those of us who’ve defined ourselves as non-normative have of pushing ourselves away from other people. The push makes sense, of course — if you live in a region where your politics aren’t aligned with those around you, of course you’re going to feel a push, and like you need to clearly define yourself as “not that.” There are a lot of social and cultural contexts where it makes perfect sense that people who feel a little bit off the beaten path would push against the people and society around them. What makes less sense to me is when I see us push against each other…
On feminism, marriage equality, and my impending marriage
My impending marriage has certainly forced me to confront expectations, and to articulate and affirm the values and ideas which I hold most dear. For me, these would be feminism and marriage equality. However, the prospect of my impending marriage (to a lovely, understanding, open-minded and progressive straight cis-man) has forced me to clarify my perspectives on these two ideas to a much greater extent than ever before. In the process, I have become even firmer in my support of these two positions. Why has my position on feminism and marriage equality been strengthened? I’ll explain.
Lewd jokes & late nights: How to redefine what “married lady” means
I still don’t think it has sunk in that I’m married. People say I am a wife now, and suddenly everyone is treating me differently and I don’t like it. I love the idea of being married. I love calling him my husband. But now I’m expected to act in a manner that just isn’t me… and I hate it. How can I deal with people’s expectations about who I am now that I’m married?
Zygotic relationships: How getting married is like forming DNA strands
Ever think about how merging lives is like creating DNA strands? I sure didn’t… until one groom (of I am not a Bride fame) started talking about “Are you building up to the 10 fingers and the 10 toes?” And then it all made sense! Ah science and love, what a match you make.